The last post for this year {most probably }

Salams 
Today is the last day of the year .. Today marks thebeginning of the year  2012 after the birth of the prophet  Issa son of Blessed Mary peace be upon them. I wonder about the way people celebrate this occaision , we are blessed to have Sayeduna Issa come and we are blessed tofollow his teachings but would He like the way we celebrate ! Of course i would say no, he would say no  the people get drunk , for the way they stay up  rocking to mad music , for the way they gamble and for ... And for ....  Celebrating feasts these days all feasts christmas, Eids in Islam also are becoming very materialistic ..  Christmas means gifts just as Ramadan means extra fancy foods .. These are not why the celebrations really were meant 
..As for the new year what makes me wonder the most is that  one year of my special  years passed i  should be sad for the occasion, especially if i didnot spend it wisely , this year represents time , time that i may have wasted, time that i cannot buy or get from any one a surplus ,, this time is mine and noone ever can lengthen it or shorten it . it is my age , i should sit and review how i spent it , not spend this night worse than the others , 
I am getting older and thank got i am getting more aware of how i should manage my minutes and hours , true i cannot make them longer or shorter as i said earlier but i can invest good fruitful job in this time , i hope my job counts not only my years .. 
So In ChaaAllah this year is better for me and for all those  who I know or donot know .. may Allah bless and guide all of us toward the best of all  .. Because the world is living a mess ,,, ecosystem, economy, morals, every thing needs a reconstruction and ths change should start from within , from individuals because as it says{  Allah does not change a people's lot unless they change what is in their hearts} very true loveshould replace hatred and just and fsir should replace selfishness and greed ... Thats how we should start the new year and our praise be to Allah and peace be upon his prohpets because without them we cannot proceed to a better world 
Happy new year for all 
A blessed year 
Basyma , Umalbanat 

No asignment week

Thursday dec 22
It is evening and i had no assignment this week but i thought i would write about something , something that i would like to share with family and friends and classmates ... Dr .bert had a funny suggestion that we write about a shoe and once he asked us to write about watermelon ,today i would write about i reallydont know what ,so i asked my son he said :"write about your birthday " i thought i never celebrated my birthday before i married , and off to writing !
I never remembered i had a party or anything special about my birthdate but i do remember my mom every year she would say today is your birthday you were born in the early morning , she tells me the story of my birth and how dad was proud to be a father and the family first was expecting a boy ,as ususl they like to have a boy for a first baby as if to ensure the family name is saved but dad was happy and" she is worth 10 boys",  my cousin, a girl  also was born on june 10 in the evening and i was born on june 11 morning few hours apart but it was a day !, i do like my birthdate i feel it is nice the 11 goes first,  ONE ONE ,it represents the first numerals then comes the number 6 the month numeral representing the middle of the year and last comes the numerals 55 representing the middle digit , my birthday
11-6-55. Very nice , i wad a first born and named  after  my parental grandmother. 
not having or celebrating  a birthday party never bothered me in fact i never knew we had to celebrate a birthday, although as a family we used to celebrate my brothers birthday because he was born christmas eve, then we stopped this habit after mom knew it is not supposed for us as muslims to ahve atree in our house and celebrate christmas so we read mawlid instead .It was till i was in the statesthat I saw all these birthday party things ...........invitation cards , party themes from cups and plates and napkins and cakes etc... It looked nice but then i thought how weird it is that some kids enjoy these parties and some have nothing to eat especially there was war in lebanon  ...  True I did celebrate birthday parties for my kids but i tried as much as i can  not to spend on a  party ,  and to keep them as a close family gatherings. Now that the  girls are older they manage to arrange for these family gatherings they make the cake , now their tastes have grown too , they dont like heavily frosted cakes anymore,  they enjoy simple healthy style cakes , they share a gift altogether so they get one gift from the kids all  .. Almost each month  we have a birthday except for february we have  three in one birthday gathering ,Abed, Malak were born on Feb 1st and Mohammad Jamil was born on Feb  3rd .
Now that we have grand kids multiple birthdaygatherings are more common , mostafa and muhieddin share with me in June, Abed junior shares with May in September,  Mohammad and Aida share Eman in May, Ezzeddin shares our engagment anniversary in August ....
Birthdays are times to remember , whenever my  birthday  or one  of the kids approaches  it brings along  lots of memories  , from birth to school to adulthood to marriage and ..... life goes on 
Almost in every month we have an occasion to celebrate, with eight kids and two parents and now grandkids the list grows, AlHamdulillah ,
My birthday brings with it a borderline , especially after I  have grown up many years , now i reconsider what i ought to acomplish before i leave  ,,,,, , or how much time do i still have , 
I consider  how can i be better , .. I believe i invested in my children  and whether i want it or not  they have me in their innerselves just as i have my parents in my innerself .. And  as it goes:  like father like son and in my case with Girls Girls Girls i say like mother like daughter... And by the way i consider the new year just as i consider a birthday ,it marks a new beginning and it is worth to just reconsider one's  accomplishments ... And move toward the best , Time is precious ,May god help us spend it wisely and as we get older i am sure we sense  this  fact more than before ... 
Happy holidays , happy birthdays  for all. 



Sent from my iPad

Dear Heba written on dec 2 hebas birthday as a class first draft

Dear Heba
My first born .. What a surprise that today is your birthday, at one o clock .. This day i was at st. Francis having YOU . I will never forget this day , Dad and I were together at the hospital dad had his appendicitis a day after you were born .. I know i kept telling you that, so now let me tell you the new news..
heba May became a very quiet girl after you left.. she missed you SO. She wouldnt eat or sleep unless you come back.. Even when we told her thst you are happy in heaven ,so she would ask we all leave yo be with you
heba i ask you to forgive us that we tok those tubes away, oh we knew that you could never make it May you rest in peace and i am sure Allah loves you dearly He chose You Alah had paradise for you.
heba nchallah we will see each other in heaven
You have new sisters now and a brother
Heba each of your sisters had some resemblance of you , Eman has the curly hsir , marism has the intelligence and mohamad Jamil has the awkward way of holding a pen
We moved from rawshe to labban, i bet you knew that because Jiddo Jamil left us and teeta left too , sito inaam was the first to be with you , we are moving slowly to be with you ,, but here life goes on
Your nephews and niece havenot seen you but they keep. Seeing your pictures .it never occured to me that i would .ive this long afyer youo passed away
heba on your 37 th birthday, oh i keep rememmbering your birthday, snd i keep telling myself if heba was here or if she has been alive she would be so and so
heba i try to forget thst you are dead because i feel you are alive but away from home , whrn your sisters travel i. Worry about them , but about you i dont worry i know you are safe and sound in heaven
heba happy birthday no not hapy birthday
happy nine years
Lov mom

My senior class a farewell memoir

I enjoyed your company

My senior class

It is completely different

We are all here ,gathered so we can write our experiences

Not school or university experiences

But life ones

dr. Bert is the expert

And so is Dr. dorman ,

Both willing and ready to help

for any difficult idea that yelps,

michka Half greek and half lebanese ,

We always enjoy sharing her expertise

Then we have shirin

As innocent and shy

As a lovely butterfly ,

Then the great wise Jean-marie

Who sits next to me

I adored her a lot

For to me she experienced the most

Living in lebanon for all those years

How she overcame her fears!

I will skip my self

To be on the last shelf

Then there is ziad the engineer

Who is mighty great with gears,

Now that he has retired

Is looking forward to write what he desired

And Mr. Faisal is sure a great speaker,

And a thinker and a hard active employee

Who promised to tell us about the threatened cedar tree

Nada ,as a child, is the cute ballet dancer,

Calm and quiet unless you ask her

Even if she knew the answer.

Mona , i wonder why isn't she coming anymore,

Hope this last session she will come through the door.

Tonnie the youngest of us all

She is patient to be with these oldies this fall

Diya, the Iraqi child star ,

Who suppresses shirley temple by far

Always smiling with lovely eyes,

While reading her memoirs,

This is my senior class

That i hope to suceed and pass

But here they don't give A's,

All we get is praise

Thank you professors kathy and Bert

For all what we have learnt,

dear friends excuse me if i was rude

To any of you and i am sure you would

Hope we meet again some where , someday,

In another class, facebook , or seeing a play ,

To help each other and help the world

For that is what God created us for .,

Mama but this a draft so i need to refine it inchaallah

mama
mama a nice word, a lovely word,....a word of life, a word that brought life , but for me mama is a vigorous life , vigorous by all its meanings.Mama means quickness...action...all her life she had been a fast actor anything you ask for is ready in a wink , till the minute she passed away she was energetic , even her soul passed away fast now she was sitting ,then she bent , and thats it .. life as a ribbon thats has to be cut somewhere it can be cut sharp and neat or it can be ripped while cutting no matter what the ribbon will be cut somehow ,someday 
Since childhood i remember Mama sewing . I remember her sitting ather sewing machine ,or standingby the table cutting  the fabrics, the measuring tape dangling around her neck, while the scissors is always handy within reach , well in fact she had  2 scissors and a zigzag  one  specially for anti- ripping .when. We moved to Rawshe the house was a big apartment compared to other one in sadat .here we have our own apartment a two bedroom apartment ,two bathrooms, living room , reception room and a long hall that was luxury for us . In the living room mama decided to put her sewing machine. She chose the most lit corner  facing the  balcony door ,she would sit facing  thge  hilly  green  field facing our building , { i dont  want to face  the  wall , i want to view nice scenary and the blue sky } , iguess she knew she would be clenched to her sewing machineg when she set it . On the other corner stood a square table where mama kept her sewing stuff and she used the table  surface for cutting . Over the table a stack of fashion journals , an  agenda ,which was outdated diary,  she jotted on it ladies' measurements and some dress styles and cuts ,  blue Prym pins and they sewingm chslk and thimbles scattered on the table the pin cushion was attached to the machime ,mama never looked for a pin or needle while she was sewing she would get. Another one in case she droped or lost it by accident ,pins were pinned to her dress , many times she hurts her hands from pins stuck in the machine,  in the washing machine because she forgot  to take them away from her dress . On tbe opposite wall of therom was a big couch and on the big dresser like china cupboard .that was the sewing room ,  no carpet, wel a carpet wouldnot be seen anyway. Fabric , fabric every where big pieces, small peices, long strips, short strips empty thread spools, pins this what you see in the sewinjg room . The  handwheel on the machineg goes fbast now bevsuse mama attachetd a small motor to the machine , she doesnot  use the treadle anymore.the motor is corded to a small fot pressure pedal , so easy ,S.I.N.G.E.R. Inscripted just above the treadle where we used to sit and play , we turn the big wheel pretending itis a car steering wheel .
mama needed to sew, and she liked to sew .She hated housework and these final touches. Om suleiman , a kurdish ,lady came over regularly to do the cleaning. Mama says house work is a waste of time , sprnding your life dusting and cleaning , it is nota fuitful work , Cooking was no fun for mom ,too. It goes  down the drain in the end . However She cooked , she never spent more than one hour preparing the best meal , she was fast, quick  i dont deny it , and everyone she is energetic ,but she never spent time on garnishing dishes or decorating cakes or setting the table , unless we have visitors for dinner or lunch. 
We usually take the two cooking pots to the table, and the salad bowl, dishes, spoons and bag of bread , Mamawouild scoop fod for us and rice ,lunch is served.
Apples in a big bowl arte swiftly peeled and sliced and here is our fruit, oranges will do as wel or bananas , practical, that was mama as if we were in a boardingschol or may be because  we were five in a five year span i was born in 1955 and my youngest brother in 1960 .
Everyday we had new food though ,with freshly  cooked rice ,after we eat mom would directlydo the dishes and cleans  the place and back to Sewing .
I never did housework at home , mama never asked me to, and besides we never wanted neither me nor my sister, mama also recals that she never did housework when she was our age .,all she wants us is to be good at school.
In the morning , mama would boil a big tea kettle, on the table  she sets a bowl of olives black olives, a plate with cheese, a bag of bread, a stack of five teacups and 5 teaspoons, and of course a jar of sugar . we gather round the table  , we crouch on the floor and mama and baba would sit on the couch , the table was barely 25 cms high from the ground , each kid will take his teacup, mama pours the tea we put sugar to tastebutnot more than 2 teaspoons , of course we all put two and we sneak a third spoon , sure she knew it , anyway before we stirr the sugar the table would be full of "Maide," what is Maide ? It is an arabic word for a small feast ,the Maide was bites of bread either with olives or with cheese  we eat and sip tea by the spoon, it is too hot to be drunk directly .
These a mamas mOments in the kitchen , and she never regretted it ...
Sewing was her life .
I remember my aunt bringing in stacks of precut toddler outfits ready to be sewn .my aunts husband has a wholesale  store in downtown beirut , bundles of cut fabrics come in the morning and leave as sets of toddler outfits al ironed and ready to be worn .
 Mama quickly opens the bundles and sorts them and rearranges them on the table.these are the sleeves, here the backs, there the right front side this will have a pocket, here are the collars here the pants , now off to the machine .First she usuallygrabsv the sleeves first, the edges are hemmed, then inside seams ,nowthte pockets are aplied then the shoulder seams then ...the top is ready , next the pants which are way easier with elastic  waists . The machine is off ,it is time for hand work , every thread coming out from the garment is cut, she  shakes it to mske sure no more extra threads ,then comes the crewel embroidery bag . She embroiders a small design on the pocket , in ahurry she stitches a bunny with floppy ears snd a carrot, or a circle with two triangular ears and a long tail ,six whiskers thats a mighty cat , or the circle with one trisngular beak and its a chick ,at last comes ironing ,folding and slipping each set in a bag ready to be picked up before 4 oclck in the afternoon .she used to finidh a dozen or two depending  on the demand , and in seasons she would work till  late . One lira per set is not bad , mama would  say i am staying home with the kids and working .i remember sometimes when my sister was young and sick or somthing she would sit on thefloor and stretches her legs and puts apillow so she rocks mysister while the hand sewing work in her hands and my book wil  be by herside to recite for my science or history lessons . This was mama .
mama waas a great seamstress, she learned at Fuad  Atwe, in Hamra when she fi ished her elementary school.it was a loss she wasted her time in sewing these todler outfits ,it is only a machine work, no creativity, no crafting do she and baba took a step forward .baba would tell his customers in the store that mama is a seamstress if they areinterested she can also shorten pants or dresses or change a zipper , and that was the start . Most of residents in Rawshe in the sixties were foreigners canadian, american, english, french ,austrian, from eadt europe were many also ... And so were mom's customers ... A mix ,mom needed my help to translate for english speakers and she did well in french , for theg others specially russian sign language mixed with englidh and arabic .
Marene, a canadian from montreal ,used to b,ring her dog along, but once we were home and when we saw thedog we all screamedand shouted scaringly, but the poor ladythought we wanted to play with thedog so she took inside to our room and the sreaming increased and mama hurried following her telling her to retrieve , they are  afraidand frightened .later Marene would keep thedog out if we arehome .
Mama seemed contented in her  new sewing , she can show off her art in sewing , any dress a lady chooses from  the fashion journal she makes, she gazes well in the style then draws the front and back for the ladytelling her all the cuts in the dress ,and whether the zipper is in the back or it is a side zipper ,then she jots down measurments  near  the style ,of course the name goes on top  . Her agenda had many names from marene to zendara to  mrs. Bluff etc .. Strange names for us .
Mama found life in her work ,but we hated sewing , it took mama away, and this dzdzdzdz of the sewing wheel , the messy floor ,although we are at school but we feel  and smell sewing . Mama daily before we return home she sweeps the room with a fine broom,and collects all the trash ,she sorts the fabric piecesand throws the small ones then she gets a magnet to pick ip all pins and thimbles then sends the dust to the dust pan then to trash .
Mama would charge 15 l.l. For a dress but she charged the maids less 8 or 10, they work hard and left their families maybe they cannot afford ,georgette came all the way from yaroon to wotk here, and kadija came from kfarhette ,no i will not charge them the same as others .besides , she believed that. Alah will bless this money , moreover sewing cost nothing , to her , she has the machine this the onlyinvestment ihavenothingto loose even if i charged one lira for a dress it is all profit ... Very true ,
Beloved mama , she passed away and her dream that i become a seamstress for people like her but i didnot. I like to sew and i do sew for mychildren and grandchildren ,i sewd everything for my kids when we were short on cashand while they were in the university . I love sewing .
It seems weird that things youdidnot like about your parents,turns out you do them and you like them when you are older.
Mama sewed al my dresses butialways wanted ready made dresses when i was young ,they lookbeautiful in the front windows but Mama would say thry very expensive ,while the cheap ones arenot properly sewn , the dress may shrink, i may rip, low quality fabric so i never bought a ready dress till i was in the states and i  really found the difference .
Mama would ask me to chose any style i want from the window or from the journal, and she buys good fabric and suitable matching designs, complimentary trims and accessories  my dress is ready and i rarelygotno comments how nice mydress was .
Mama visits Antoine bookshop  every season to buy latest fashion journals, she keeps still the special edition ones ! 
Patient mams , i was a nager ,i realized now how pretty those dresses are , how practical mama was.
When i married she sewed everything for me and for the house from curtains to bedspreads and sheets ,bath robes , nighties and a whole array of dresses , a coat and a jacket ,and of course my wedding dress  , she made it with wide inside seams  incase i got a little fatter , they usually do after marriage, then i can widen it, she also suggested long sleeves so i can wear it when i return from pilgrimmage 
Mama sewed all her life .. Of course she stopped sewing for people but for  family she never stopped.
In her last 5 years she would buy cheap fabrics or discontinued prints and makes them prayer clothes and gives them  as gifts or donations , or for the needy , it costs nothing to help others, sewing is cheap and valuable , very true .she died and a stack of sewing was on the machine .sewing was a must for girls her age back then but someg people excelled others just managed, a girl would prosper her living or she would buy precious jewelery بتستر حالها او بتتقل خلخالها .
Mama sewed al my daughters wedding  dresses ,she excelled .
Now sewing isnot comon any more , but i sew .
The last dress sewn by mama was a mermaid style dress for Bayan, my youngest  daughter,  black with  knit like fabric , five days later mama passed away ,in a hurry , nothing was wrong she was sitting on the couch and .... 
The funny thing is that bayan told her grandma the dress is very nice inchala you  dress like it ,mama grinned and shook her head n if saying noway now but bayan continued i mean in jannah in heaven ........ That was her last sewen dress ...

My first house

Written on 18th of nov as firstdraft 
My first house
Just around the corner of Sadat and Hamra streets i used to wait for the school bus. In fact it wasnot  a school bus, it was a Chevy or Olds station wagon, a gray old one .some kids would sit in the back, others crowded in the rear back with ourbags and extrabig lunchboxes.... At least i had a very  big lunchbox that fits lunch for five kids , and well Feryal  also  had the same one for her  and her three siblings ... Anyway, at four in the afternoon  we would  return home.
.we stop by   baba's (Dad's)   grocery shop  that was guarding the house just at the entrance . jiddo (grandpa)   would ask how  was school, Baba urges us to get directly to the house where Mama ( mom) would be expecting us...the loquat tree at the  entrance where  Basem  myyounger  brother climbs before entering the house , his daily activity. Then we pass by Sitto ( grandma as wecall her )  she is in her sixties butalways sick as i remember, sitting in her  iron brass  bed , we pass by her because it was customary to kiss her hand  and because  this wasnot ourhouse alone, it was thte family house ...kids and moms all crowded to eat dinner.Each  mom will tend her kids , then we rush  down to our room , two rooms are ours, the kids room with mattresses and my parents room with a bed, a big double bed, andthe bathroom of course where  we wash our feet daily  before we go to sleep. The kitchen was more a kitchenette since dinner wasnot served or  cooked in here ,always up at grandma. morning  tea and olives were served in our kitchen or cheese sandwiches for a late or snack meal, ofcourse no fridge as i remember, it came late when we moved to the new  apartment  in Rawshe  far away ( for me it was such far ) from Sadat  street, but Sadat house  had family, had unity, had fights with cousins,  and it had all those  gatherings.
my first  house wasnot one , it was two ..the yard where we played in was the connection between the two homes,  a sandy play yard with  the big  loquat tree ... grandpa's voice was the most heard all around ,warning this grandkid or blaming the other , for no sound could be heard or even was allowed to be  heard .... 

In gazzeh

It was february 1990 or 1991 or almost the end of january, theh weather was snowy.. And of course life in beqaa was tough but it was our choice to live here ,and not to leave for good for canada or australia as my brother , or to England as many members of the family did , and my sister with her family too. The war in lebanon was a series.. Some episodes you can manage others one cannot survive them ..So we decided to give Beqaa a try.... And if things didnt work out we can leave ... It was worth to consider this decision because it isnot that costly, and we are still in our country, and near ourfamily we dont have to cross borders to visit them , as a matter of fact i consider being near my fsmily and husbands family as a good reason to stay in my country.. Besides i have my daughters that i cont want to be broought up in the. West , i was living there and my eldest daughter was brought up there ,completely different ,i mean the way way to raise kids there ...
Ourdecision and we never regretted it ,my husband would teach at OMEC and the girls will go to there too , six girls ranging in age from 11 to 1 .. They would be my chore ..here life is no fun, tough life reminded me of the little house on the prairiei used to watch when i was younger. No phones, no central heating, no electricity gor most of the time, but alhamdulillah ,a big house, empty, bare but nevertheless it has a fenced vineyard and a gate ,thats good . The house owners left forbrazil and someone to stay in thehouse so it doesnt get occupied from strangers so tey didnt askfor a big rent ..
We settled here in september just before school started in 1989.. um Lameie house was special... Baba started making some wooden stuff , bookshelves and shelves for toys and he made a wooden frame for a closet and i covered it with a bed sheet and we hung in it a silk line for hangers, we managed without a fridge first because in winter food lasts and we brought our fridge from beirut later and the oven range , we bought a new washing machine ,that was a treat for meg so i finish laundry easier but it turned out to be trouble that washing machine needs stable electricity and it kept bugging me so i washed most of the times in. The twin tub washing machine .
We bought a heavycast iron sobiya and a regular fuel one , the sobiya was a must there , and myjhusbandb bought a saw and a good axe .
Ibrought mysewing machine from beirut and 3 or four trunks of clothing for the girls , at first we put thecloth in Pampers diaper boxes each had a box .
The girls exceptfor bayan attended OMEC ,Bayan was young , tthe kids didnt like schol at fiest they were nicknamed as Beyrutis ,,, .... It was an experience for us all ,my husband was in beirut when a big snowstorm hit, and of course i didnt expect him to come to gazze , i have a car with me plymouth volare an american car and he usually drives the datsun tobeirut so we dont have to pay a lot for gas .. Dahr albaydar was closed ,two days, three days and no sign of the road openning or thestorm ceasing kids stayed home no school , even the milkman didnt mske his ususl morning route ,so my neighbor would give me the milkfree so it doesnt spoil , of course it didnt spoil i kept some milk in two cooking pots in the snow covering thecar well it kept well andb i made all these labneh balls because who wants to finish all this milk , mydaughters remember 55 liters of milk or 11 pails
With no signs of hope i grew desperate , i know myhusband would be worried how we are managing , i thank god that my mom was visitng us and got stuck with us , thatgave us some support in cutting wood and managing extra milk and the stories and the cuddling of the kids ...
Phones would have ben helpful but it was out of mind tohave a phone during the war and in beqaa.
It was Thursday , The sky was clear but it was white with cotton like clouds and its goung to snow as it shows, so before it did we took some carpets out to clean. The kitchen and adjacent room from black soot that sometimes seeps through corners , i was mopping when i heard myhusbands keys tapping on the window, his regular tapping sound , i shouted telling the kids Ija Daddy, but i didnt hear anycar, wel a car can't move anyway, roads are packed by knee-high snow.... Then we heard the door knocking, it was him He came ,his face was red and nose bluish from the cold he came through Syria, my father drove him to tripoli and there he took cabs to Homs then to Baalbak then to Gazze , it was the best he did and thought of , Baba was in beirut without mama but now we knew that they kept daily trials to come to Gazze but no use , the storm lasted for ten or twelve days well it forsnt matter to me how long it lasts now ,and the schools were off for a month . February was a no school month this year, Baba came after 15 days to take mama to Beirut .. Now i talk about the memory but back then i was in such a fuss that i couldnot talk ..