Soft as silk

Soft as silk 

And is silk soft ? This is what i didnot know till i was a teen , for i had not touched silk or  even seen it earlier .  Mama used to say all the time this expression about softness , she would remember all the good times with the company of silkworms in the neighborhood of Ras Beirut . we believed her, for her relatives used to work in the silk business ,they would arrange the boughs and blackberry leaves for the silkworms to sway back and forth, then they weave the  cocoons  which applique the boughs just like stars sprinkled  against a green sky .Next, thebutterflies find their way out to give birth to new eggs and death to themselves; later, the empty cocoons are immersed in boiling water to take off the silky threads without being tangled , and last they collect all the eggs and keep them in an old sock in the closet till the next year ! a life cycle completed! The silky thread that sums up the production of a hard going life. The silky thread that is so strong even though it is superfine  and supersoft ! The silky thread that is desired by all to be worn for comfort , and luxury ! 

As a Mom,  I have raised  silkworms  for kids sake and felt how soft is their skin , early  every spring we get the eggs out of the closet where we used to keep them , then we nestle  them carefully in berryleaves  snuggled in a shoebox .Daily,   my kids  gaze and check on the blooming silkworms ; we used to hunt in Ras Beirut  for berry leaves so the silkworms would survive. The girls enjoyed watching them  and many times experimented on them , as for me the science lesson was not boring anymore plus it was  well understood  . 

Many slogans appeared "soft as baby's skin"  , " soft as baby's bottoms", "soft as satin", and " soft as velvet" and the list runs , but for me the most original and the most truthful idiom that keeps ringing in my ear is  " soft as silk "

AUB

AUB does it ring something ?  Aub , the buildings, the campus, it is the Kelliye كلية thats the name i first heard when i was young , killyie is the tramway, the red tramway passing all along Bliss street, the cbig clock , the brick spacious buildings . The station near Hubeish police office then straightall the way up to Sadat street , to our house . The kelliye reminds me of grandfather  of old days , Missionary .. Expensive.. Beautiful.. Education ... Financial aid... Degree...graduation....  Distinction ... High distinction .. Awards ....Thats kelliye, thats aub  all these together , each represents a memory embedded in my head ,  a life period .i never dreamt of attending aub even when i was young because it was very expensive and we cant afford.education is importsnt and veryimportant as my parents say but we cant afford, so when i get married and stil in high school , things eased a bit for my family , i gave way for my brother . 
The first time i entered aub was in 1992, to Assembly hall , a church like hall with benchs ( later i recognised that its name says that its a church really , that explained missionary to me ) , May, my daughter was nominated to receive an award from Inmaa  a lebanese society group that honors best  nine graders from around Lebanon. 
 my second visit  was three years later , when She was applying to Aub, then our aub trips began .
Every year i had to fill and arrange those financial aid documents, the first five or six years were hard , a lot of growing kids , a lot of payments , but the next that followed were  rewarding , graduations , with high distinction and awards ,Hamdulillah . Thye six are almost done, at least with fees .
Then it was in october this year , when i found this forward in my inbox from  Malak asking if i am interested, they keep nagging about completing my education , all of them , "some in our classes are as old as you are snd are doing pretty well " , so i accepted the offer specially the course offerings of photography and memoie temted me , so i decided if there is still place in one of them i will register and it is not expensive so i can risk, so the day came when i attended Aub  as a ufs student and for one course ..... 

Happy birthday jaimie

It was Monday February the first , 1999, the girls getting ready for school Malak, Mariam, Eman, and Bayan .  Niam was at the university so she was not up ,  and May was married anyway and doesnot  live with us any more, it was Abed and Malaks birthday , but I am feeling labor  pain , Oh it would be nice if Mohammad Jamil will be born today three in one and like his father, so after the kids left i called dr. Faysal Kak my O.B and he suggested i pass by his clinic   .While we were drinking  morning coffee ,it  spilled over Abed's leg , may be from excitment , and at eight i was suposed to see the doctor , before he goes to AUB , it is end of semester exams and Abed also has semester finals plus the girls  are getting ready for mid year exams ... 
Mohammad Jamil , its the name we chose for our son . He is our first boy , we had seven girls ,  Bayan the youngest is 10 yrs older than him , May is 20 years older than him too, and Heba though she is deceased but she was my first born and it had been 24 years now .... 
Oh Mohammad Jamil's pregnancy was the least expected but  HE is the most welcome ... I never thought i would have a baby after Bayan ,and a boy ,  i am old already , i had bayan when iwas 33 yrs, but Its all as Allah wants and plans ... 
Even ididnot know i was having him till i was 17 weeks pregnant .
I passed by dr. kak but he said no serious pain false labour , well seven kids and still i mistake labour pain , 
On Wednesday February the third i went to the hospital Trad hospital around fajr time and around one oclock  noon we welcomed Mohamad Jamil. 
His face features are like mine, and Bayan's and Niam's ,  his skin is darker though ...  All the family was glad and congratulated us , phone calls from around the world , relatives and friends called , he was a blessing ,people who never visited me before came over to see him and congratulate us ,  till years later some people didnot know we had him ... My daughters friends often exclaimed :"oh you had a brother , we didnot know that ". 
Well but raising jaimie -as we called him at home- wasnot easy , the girls had to adapt to  his being around specially when he got older and moved around , they were in universities and high schol and had to stay up late to study , so he rarely slept early when young , he grew up in a grown ups household . We talked with him English so he will get used to two languages in case i wanted to send him to a french teaching school, but no one encouraged me because i am english educated . 
His friends were mostly his  sisters friends, all  grown up girls , and he loved them so , Hana , Lama , are on top of the list ... In the family he had mariam ,Meemo, and Yasmeen, Neena  and Reema, to play with as they are almost his age but they are girls too.  Even at school he enjoyed the compang of girls because they are more quiet  than boys till he was in grade  five at albayader school the teacher encouraged him to be around with boys and in class  he sat by a boy so he started to be more like a boy . In grade six boys were seperated in the classroom  and girls were in a seperate section so he got to know what boys are made off, although he noticed that the class was so noisy then !.  He also started to hang around with family boys even if they were all older than  him but they invited him to their Ramadan Iftars and swimming and football matches so he found boys company . He is bright and smart kid , very empathetic, loving and caring . We loved him so , he changed our lives , May Allah bless him and guide him towards the best .  Like the moon among the  stars he grew. His sisters , five of them are married so he is enjoying his life at home with Niam , he always missed her when she was away in Doha and in America . 
today thirteen years later Mohammad Jamil is in grade eight, he likes football and goes to quranic Halaqa. He has grown Ma Shaa Allah , he is the proud uncle for six kids all boys except for Aida his niece  . He has his school friends whom he loves and hangs around with , he likes to write poetry because of his teacher , arabic teacher whom he adores , Mr Maher Barhoomi . 
Happy Birthday Jaimie , may Allah bless you and your sisters , my youngest son and my eldest son 
We love you so much , we hope you all will be a good offspring , please help yourselves to please Allah  and please us and please youselves, Amen .

Happy birthday Ako

It was Tuesday Feb. first ... Abed had an appointment his weekly Tuesday  Halaqa .. And since i am way overdue , his friends came  over to our house .. I was feeling some labour pain but it was the bearable type 
Everybody was waiting for me to deliver my fourth baby .. Everybody was waiting because i have three girls and tthey hoped i would have a boy , i also hoped it would be a boy but it wasnot that big deal if it was a girl a fourth girl , in my previous pregnancies i wanted a girl but now three are company they can have sister fun not like two .. But deep in i knew i am having a girl , Abed also kept telling me the probability is that we will have a girl is more likely, he is a math professor so guessed right . My aunt thought and she hoped also that we will have a boy , and she wants to fulfil a promise to slaughter a sheep in case we had a boy . Abed wants to name him Jameel , she was not getting along  sincerely with Haj Jameel her husband , so she swore that we donot  name our son Jameel , but Abed  insisted that he will in case we had a boy ! 
Labor pain was getting stronger it was almost nine oclock but i waited till Abeds friends left then, i packed all serving stuff and told Abed  its time to go to hospital , true it was my fourth delivery  but subhan Allah  in each i felt different  signs of labour .. So off we left the house the kids stayed home they have school the next day Heba and May , Niam didnt attend yet she was almost 2 and three month ... So amto nana would sleep with them . We drove to Doctors hospital , my aunt insisted she goes with us , i usually go bymself with my husband to hospitals and when i am admitted we tell the family .. Dr Aida Karoot was my O.B. she came and i have already told her during  my visits that i dont want any anesthesia, and that i prefer natural childbirth ... All and completely natural . But now it is almost 11:30 and still in labour i told her i cant  bear anymore pain, but she said we cannot give you any medications now , soon you will be done , and it was really in half an hour i had my baby ! A fourth girl , "a girly girl "the doctor said Ma Shaa Allah , she was big in size compared to her sisters , cheeky face , big eyes , and lots of black newborn hair covering her head , she was 3750grams . The doctor , i remember ,telling my aunt no one can ever create a finger alhamdulillah and in shaallah a good offspring " . 
I was awake and saw the girl then. They took her to bathe her .. " Abed was there in the room when they wheeled me in and so was my aunt , Abed was happy as usual , he loved kids and "what do u want to name her " ? I didnot get a chance to suggest a name , because my aunt said Malak , it is good it suits her , she loved that name , and i already was on the list of names we had with Deema and Sara but then i said Yes , Malak is just fine ... It goes with May well , May was also named by her grandma , Heba and Niam by me .. Soon Abed had to return home and my aunt , she tried to be nice to me confronting me  that its ok  if i had a girl ... 
Malak  , i didnot see her again till wednesday morning , she was so lovely and really girlish , she was more beautiful than her sisters, but she had dark skin , niam had the fairest skin , wednesday feb second we left for HOME.
everyone welcomed her  , amto Najah said we should put kuhul on her eyes and it did make her look like arab beduin babies, Ammo izzat used to help us with the kids   Why ? well ,,,well it was after the israeli war .  The israelis still occupied most of lebanon and many groups fought in and about so clashes were common and whenever we need to go down to a lower flat so we dont get shelled in our house Ammo Izzat will be ready , ... 
 We  feasted Aqiqa for malak  , in quraytem mosque for men , in fact even Malak was the fourth girl but she got many welcome presents  and gold souveniers, and she got new baby wardrobe as the old baby clothes were stolen from Sofar , i bought her Chicco clothes and Fadwa bought Ahmad  too. 
Malak was a blessing and Ammo Izzat wrote  her a poem  . Ako was les than three months old when i noticed she wasnot breastfeeding , she is not turning her head, to breast feed , she had constant low fever , Dr. hirji , yasmeen suggested a ppd but it was negative , then we took her to ENT , Hebas doctor dr, Bechara yusuf Gerayeb , it was Wednesday i took Heba in the morning then came back home and took Ako , he directly comforted us and said she had Kiyara ( cucumber )  new diagnosis, so she needed surgery all this time ammo izzat and amto Najah were helping in taking care of Ako , of course   I breastfed her and changed her but whenever she cried or nagged or i have to take Heba to doctors she would stay at amto Najah. 
alhamdulillah now Malak has  come  a long way , but still completing her residency ,,, a smart radiologist , 
And on Dr. Malaks Birthday all i would like to say is Alhamdulillah on his unlimited grants and givings , may Allah guide Malak and her Sisters and Brother to what is the best for them and for Islam , and God willing she sees her children , good righteous  offspring InShaaAllah .
Written in Beirut on wednesday february the first 2012 
Basyma

The last post for this year {most probably }

Salams 
Today is the last day of the year .. Today marks thebeginning of the year  2012 after the birth of the prophet  Issa son of Blessed Mary peace be upon them. I wonder about the way people celebrate this occaision , we are blessed to have Sayeduna Issa come and we are blessed tofollow his teachings but would He like the way we celebrate ! Of course i would say no, he would say no  the people get drunk , for the way they stay up  rocking to mad music , for the way they gamble and for ... And for ....  Celebrating feasts these days all feasts christmas, Eids in Islam also are becoming very materialistic ..  Christmas means gifts just as Ramadan means extra fancy foods .. These are not why the celebrations really were meant 
..As for the new year what makes me wonder the most is that  one year of my special  years passed i  should be sad for the occasion, especially if i didnot spend it wisely , this year represents time , time that i may have wasted, time that i cannot buy or get from any one a surplus ,, this time is mine and noone ever can lengthen it or shorten it . it is my age , i should sit and review how i spent it , not spend this night worse than the others , 
I am getting older and thank got i am getting more aware of how i should manage my minutes and hours , true i cannot make them longer or shorter as i said earlier but i can invest good fruitful job in this time , i hope my job counts not only my years .. 
So In ChaaAllah this year is better for me and for all those  who I know or donot know .. may Allah bless and guide all of us toward the best of all  .. Because the world is living a mess ,,, ecosystem, economy, morals, every thing needs a reconstruction and ths change should start from within , from individuals because as it says{  Allah does not change a people's lot unless they change what is in their hearts} very true loveshould replace hatred and just and fsir should replace selfishness and greed ... Thats how we should start the new year and our praise be to Allah and peace be upon his prohpets because without them we cannot proceed to a better world 
Happy new year for all 
A blessed year 
Basyma , Umalbanat 

No asignment week

Thursday dec 22
It is evening and i had no assignment this week but i thought i would write about something , something that i would like to share with family and friends and classmates ... Dr .bert had a funny suggestion that we write about a shoe and once he asked us to write about watermelon ,today i would write about i reallydont know what ,so i asked my son he said :"write about your birthday " i thought i never celebrated my birthday before i married , and off to writing !
I never remembered i had a party or anything special about my birthdate but i do remember my mom every year she would say today is your birthday you were born in the early morning , she tells me the story of my birth and how dad was proud to be a father and the family first was expecting a boy ,as ususl they like to have a boy for a first baby as if to ensure the family name is saved but dad was happy and" she is worth 10 boys",  my cousin, a girl  also was born on june 10 in the evening and i was born on june 11 morning few hours apart but it was a day !, i do like my birthdate i feel it is nice the 11 goes first,  ONE ONE ,it represents the first numerals then comes the number 6 the month numeral representing the middle of the year and last comes the numerals 55 representing the middle digit , my birthday
11-6-55. Very nice , i wad a first born and named  after  my parental grandmother. 
not having or celebrating  a birthday party never bothered me in fact i never knew we had to celebrate a birthday, although as a family we used to celebrate my brothers birthday because he was born christmas eve, then we stopped this habit after mom knew it is not supposed for us as muslims to ahve atree in our house and celebrate christmas so we read mawlid instead .It was till i was in the statesthat I saw all these birthday party things ...........invitation cards , party themes from cups and plates and napkins and cakes etc... It looked nice but then i thought how weird it is that some kids enjoy these parties and some have nothing to eat especially there was war in lebanon  ...  True I did celebrate birthday parties for my kids but i tried as much as i can  not to spend on a  party ,  and to keep them as a close family gatherings. Now that the  girls are older they manage to arrange for these family gatherings they make the cake , now their tastes have grown too , they dont like heavily frosted cakes anymore,  they enjoy simple healthy style cakes , they share a gift altogether so they get one gift from the kids all  .. Almost each month  we have a birthday except for february we have  three in one birthday gathering ,Abed, Malak were born on Feb 1st and Mohammad Jamil was born on Feb  3rd .
Now that we have grand kids multiple birthdaygatherings are more common , mostafa and muhieddin share with me in June, Abed junior shares with May in September,  Mohammad and Aida share Eman in May, Ezzeddin shares our engagment anniversary in August ....
Birthdays are times to remember , whenever my  birthday  or one  of the kids approaches  it brings along  lots of memories  , from birth to school to adulthood to marriage and ..... life goes on 
Almost in every month we have an occasion to celebrate, with eight kids and two parents and now grandkids the list grows, AlHamdulillah ,
My birthday brings with it a borderline , especially after I  have grown up many years , now i reconsider what i ought to acomplish before i leave  ,,,,, , or how much time do i still have , 
I consider  how can i be better , .. I believe i invested in my children  and whether i want it or not  they have me in their innerselves just as i have my parents in my innerself .. And  as it goes:  like father like son and in my case with Girls Girls Girls i say like mother like daughter... And by the way i consider the new year just as i consider a birthday ,it marks a new beginning and it is worth to just reconsider one's  accomplishments ... And move toward the best , Time is precious ,May god help us spend it wisely and as we get older i am sure we sense  this  fact more than before ... 
Happy holidays , happy birthdays  for all. 



Sent from my iPad

Dear Heba written on dec 2 hebas birthday as a class first draft

Dear Heba
My first born .. What a surprise that today is your birthday, at one o clock .. This day i was at st. Francis having YOU . I will never forget this day , Dad and I were together at the hospital dad had his appendicitis a day after you were born .. I know i kept telling you that, so now let me tell you the new news..
heba May became a very quiet girl after you left.. she missed you SO. She wouldnt eat or sleep unless you come back.. Even when we told her thst you are happy in heaven ,so she would ask we all leave yo be with you
heba i ask you to forgive us that we tok those tubes away, oh we knew that you could never make it May you rest in peace and i am sure Allah loves you dearly He chose You Alah had paradise for you.
heba nchallah we will see each other in heaven
You have new sisters now and a brother
Heba each of your sisters had some resemblance of you , Eman has the curly hsir , marism has the intelligence and mohamad Jamil has the awkward way of holding a pen
We moved from rawshe to labban, i bet you knew that because Jiddo Jamil left us and teeta left too , sito inaam was the first to be with you , we are moving slowly to be with you ,, but here life goes on
Your nephews and niece havenot seen you but they keep. Seeing your pictures .it never occured to me that i would .ive this long afyer youo passed away
heba on your 37 th birthday, oh i keep rememmbering your birthday, snd i keep telling myself if heba was here or if she has been alive she would be so and so
heba i try to forget thst you are dead because i feel you are alive but away from home , whrn your sisters travel i. Worry about them , but about you i dont worry i know you are safe and sound in heaven
heba happy birthday no not hapy birthday
happy nine years
Lov mom